Deschooling. It’s a word you’ve likely heard bandied around when it comes to homeschooling. It’s a topic I often get asked about when working with families. And it’s something that’s important for you to consider as you begin your homeschooling journey.
But what does it mean?
I’m so glad you asked! Put simply, deschooling describes spending focused time undoing the mindset you’ve learned about what education should look like. And helping your kids do the same.
Did you hear that? This is for you as much as for your kids!
What exactly is it, then?
It’s a deliberate choice to step away from anything that “looks” like school (as you know it) for awhile, and embrace life and learning and following the interests and passions of your kids, your family, and yourself.
Not to be confused with unschooling (which is about embracing life learning as a permanent lifestyle), deschooling is time-specific. It’s a choice you make to set aside a period of time that allows you to find your feet, as it were.
What does it look like?
Learning is about all of life. So, despite what you might initially think, deschooling isn’t about taking a holiday from learning (although you might be tempted to think so because your concept of education and learning is influenced by your own experience of school). It’s about looking at life through a different lens, and recognising learning everywhere!
This means that whether your kids are:
working on a puzzle
kicking around a ball
giving knitting a go
playing a board game
experimenting in the kitchen
connecting with friends (whether online or off)
trying an art tutorial
cleaning up after themselves
researching a topic that’s captured their interest
painting a landscape
rock climbing
exploring a beach
jotting down a shopping list
designing worlds in Minecraft
planning a week’s worth of family meals
budgeting their pocket money
hot gluing cardboard castles
sketching a cartoon
creating a fort
…or something else entirely… no experience is ever wasted.
Quite the opposite, in fact! Deschooling is about creating opportunities to notice the learning that is happening all around you, regardless.
Deschooling is your opportunity to step into a homeschool headspace and shake off the way of thinking that only counts learning as the formalised, sitting down options.
Let’s take a moment to talk about the outside-the-box learning that’s also happening. Some of the valuable life skills that you can support your kids to learn during this deschooling period include:
how to entertain themselves together &/or separately (they’ll be learning co-operation; teamwork; contentment; independence)
how to deal with boredom (they’ll have to learn resilience; persistence; patience and ways to respectfully approach you about it)
how to find a hobby (they’ll learn creativity; problem solving; commitment)
how to help take care of the space they live in (responsibility; thoughtfulness; co-operation; kindness)
I’ll be honest with you: these things can be a challenge to do. Even as a second generation homeschooled and a trained teacher, I’ve found that it’s a steep learning curve. But it’s well worth persisting! Head here to find out more about this way of measuring what your kids are learning.
What if it doesn’t seem to “work”?
The thing is, friend, deschooling is a training ground of sorts. You may find that you encounter behaviour issues. That’s completely understandable: any kind of change can cause that, and it’s fair to expect that there will be an adjustment period for all of you.
You can help your kids settle into their new norm, just like you’d help them adjust if you moved into a new house. That’s what deschooling is for. How it plays out will be unique to your family.
Finding hobbies and ways to fill in the time are not things that will necessarily come naturally to every child, especially if they’re coming from a school environment where their days are timetabled and their learning stems from formal instruction. It takes work… and time… and support… and proactively creating opportunities for them to try things… as well as letting them be bored.
You’ll notice that none of the ideas mentioned above are separated by subject, or focused on academics – that’s deliberate! Dealing with boredom and hobbies may well propel your kids toward that kind of learning anyway… just in a natural, interest-led way. And if they don’t, that’s okay: you’ve got plenty of time.
Boredom can be a vessel for creativity, after all! And that’s exactly what this time of deschooling can be about. The world is their (and your) oyster!
Top tip:
If you’re feeling stuck, make yourself a coffee, put your feet up, and spend some time simply sitting back and watching your kids. Enjoy noticing what they’re up to, without feeling like you need to intervene. Let them play, no matter their age! Because that’s part of this whole deschooling process, too. You don’t need to fill in their every single waking moment – that’s not sustainable for you, or for them.
As far as recommendations go, for kids who have been pulled out of school, it’s suggested to allow one month of deschooling time for every year they attended school.
So basically, that’s:
1 year at school = 1 month of deschooling.
2 years = 2 months.
And so on.
If school was a traumatic experience for them, this is especially important. But even if it wasn’t, deschooling has tremendous value. It will enable you to take a step back as you consider the bigger picture, and set you up for success in your homeschooling.
You know your family and your kids best though. Some children need and prefer structure and routine, and appreciate the familiarity of schoolwork done in ways that feel… well, familiar.
(Can I offer a word of caution though? Even if that’s the case, consider how you will reflect the uniqueness of your family in what you do. Don’t do things just because it’s all you’ve ever known. Use trial and error to experiment with the way your day is structured until you find the rhythm that suits your family best in thisseason.)
How will you know if you’ve deschooled enough?
The great news is that you are the one who gets to make that call for your family! That recommended ratio (1 year of school = 1 month of deschooling) is just a suggestion. You don’t have to “see it through” according to the calendar if you’re all itching to get started with your official homeschooling. That may be an indicator that you’ve had enough deschooling time, and you’re good to go!
Another word of caution though: don’t just drop deschooling straightaway because the kids ask you to. Give yourself another week or so, at least. And as you do, ask yourself (& your kids if they’re old enough to really wrestle with the question): what is it that’s causing that itch?
Boredom?
Missing school?
Or actual readiness?
If the first two, or a variation of those, it’s still better to let deschooling run its course. Let’s face it: there will always be some element of uncomfortable-ness when you take what is known, and replace it with what is unknown. (And yup, that includes boredom and missing school). But, as you already saw listed above, there is still valuable learning to be had. And it’s all learning that will make your transition smoother in the end.
If you feel like you need something more than what deschooling has to offer, it might be time to start with a slow transition. Small, manageable changes that bring a sense of rhythm or structure to your day. Such as adding in one thing – or one subject – to your week and see how it goes. And ease in from there. So if that’s how you’re feeling, keep on reading…
Great question! If you’ve read or listened to any of my other material, you’ll know that I’m a great advocate for small steps. For incremental, sustainable changes that will make a difference over time. The juggling act of homeschooling becomes a lot simpler when you think about it that way!
Deschooling doesn’t have to “end” for homeschooling to begin! In reality, deschooling is your homeschooling for that season. Then, by making small changes and introducing things slowly, you can shift your family towards what you’d like your homeschooling days to look like.
Things that will help you do this include:
Start building a rhythm into your day. Pick one thing that you would like to become predictable, even if it’s not set by a clock. For example, designating a regular wake-up time (if you want one). Or reading aloud as your kids eat their lunch. Or establishing a pattern of doing certain chores straight after breakfast. Or picking a day of the week to sit together with paper and pencils and just write. Whatever it is, start small. You’re probably already doing some of this and you didn’t even realise! Keep building into this over days, weeks and terms.
Invest in time with your kids. Not just schoolwork related. Notice their passions and enjoy connecting with them. This can be 1-1 or all together, depending on the number of kids you have and their ages. You can establish a daily or weekly rhythm of this if you like! Just remember to keep it realistic and sustainable for the season you are in, too. This is the perfect opportunity to deepen relationships.
Do things you love, and let your kids join in. Such as art, writing, walking, reading, even watching interesting YouTube clips. They don’t have to join in at all. But either way, you’re modelling how to pursue interests and hobbies, and that’s as life lesson for them in itself.
Just remember, as your period of deschooling comes to an end… homeschooling is not doing school at home. Don’t try to make it look the same! (Unless of course for some reason that genuinely is your preferred method. But even then, there are things that still can – or should – look different than school). Read more here about stepping into the freedom of a homeschool headspace!
Ultimately, the decision of how long you deschool for – or if you deschool at all – rests entirely with you.
How do you explain deschooling in an exemption application?
Put simply, you don’t. It’s worth noting here that the concept of deschooling is not a curriculum choice, or a homeschool approach. It’s simply a way in which to allow yourself and your kids to slowly adjust to the idea of homeschooling. Because of this, it’s not something that you need to mention when you apply for your exemption.
Your exemption is focused on your plans for the months and years beyond this period of deschooling time. (And believe me: for most families, those plans will unfold more easily in the end if you build some deschooling time into your year, first). Those plans will remain valid, so you won’t need to explain that you also plan to deschool.
You’ll just allow for that extra time in your own mind when you set the goals and descriptions that are required of you when you apply. For more on applying for New Zealand exemptions, see my free online guide, here.
And finally…
You’ve got this, I really believe that!
You are your child’s parent for a reason.
If you’d like support or coaching to help you figure out deschooling and homeschooling in a way that suits your family, head here to see the services I offer. And I invite you to sign up to my mailing list here so that you hear from me when I release more tips, articles and resources to help you with your homeschooling.
The bottom line? Deschooling is simply another exciting step toward all the wonderful benefits that homeschooling will bring for your family.
Keep being awesome,
Kristy x
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Hi, I'm Kristy. Writer, coach, speaker, coffee-drinker, chocolate-lover, thankful wife, mama and creator of Homeschool Haven. Passionate about supporting YOU as you grow extraordinary kids through ordinary moments, without losing sight of who you are in the mix. Here to help you make your home into your haven: one coffee at a time!
Kristy Cammell 
