Kristy Cammell We live in a world where technology is at our fingertips, and so much a part of everything we do. Whether we like it or not: it’s there. And we get to be the ones who decide how much we allow into our homes and our families.
The issue of “how much?” is one that we all all grapple with, isn’t it? And truly, I don’t think there is ever one answer for that. I’m sorry: that’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?! But different children will react differently to different measures of screen time. So what works for one family – or sometimes even one child – may not work for another.
The reality is, you are the best judge of what is wise, and healthy, for your kids, your families, and yourself. And it’s super important to allow yourself the grace to recognise that the “right” approach for you in one season is not necessarily going to be the “right” approach in another season. Times change, ages change, technology changes… and it’s our responsibility to do the best we can with what we know.
Whatever role you decide you will allow technology to have in your children’s lives, it’s essential that you help them learn how to handle themselves in a world gone virtual. That doesn’t mean exposing them early, but it does mean having conversations from early on, setting parameters, and working with your kids to help them recognise the importance of balance. Helping them to see the key role that the “real world” needs to play in their understanding of this technology-laden one.
There are certain principles that are hugely valuable to teach your children when it comes to technology in their world. And there’s one I in particular that I believe can undergird everything you do. A friend shared it with me in response to my own growing concerns quite a few years back, and it just makes so much sense! It’s something that can apply no matter what approach your family takes to technology:
Stay true to who you are.
Yup, That’s it: teach your kids to stay true to who they are. No matter what.
What does that look like? Well, when your kids interact in a virtual space of any kind – whether via an app, a messaging service, an educational programme, online, gaming, or something else – you remind them to stay true to who they are. You talk about what that will look like, and how it will play out. At a basic level, such as in a game, this applies to thinking about the choices their character may make. Remembering to consider their actions as if the other characters are real people – especially in scenarios where they actually are.
At a more complex level, it means encouraging them to think about how their words and actions reflect them as a person. How they interact with other characters in a game. Whether their actions were in self defence, or unmitigated. It’s about how they talk amongst themselves or with friends about what went on. Recognising that others will have their own perspectives about what happened. It’s about developing a willingness to talk things through when things don’t go so smoothly. It’s about the realisation that no matter what technology they’re using, there can be real people who are affected. And it’s about cultivating an openness to discuss their reasons their choices, and taking responsibility for what ensues.
Now, I know that the increasing complexity of games and technology as kids grow older can make the answer to these questions less cut-and-dried. Depending on the purpose of the game itself, there’s room for discussion around how to stay ethically true to yourself while entering a game that involves things that you would never do in real life.
But how brilliant is it to be able to open the door to these conversations now? To have this be the place where you can safely challenge them to think about what their actions say about themselves, in any context?
The same applies to social media, when and if you allow your child to embark on that path. We haven’t so far (and our kids agree that they don’t want to yet), however, we talk all the time. About how it works, why people make the choices they do, and what it takes to choose to be real and genuine in a world where that is becoming trickier and trickier to do.
Do you see what this means? At the root of how you treat this aspect of technology, you can also encourage so many other healthy skills in your kids as they learn and grow. Critical thinking, problem solving, interpersonal skills, teamwork and co-operation, ethical discussions, conflict resolution, debating, communication skills, honesty, integrity… just to name a few.
And it starts with the little things. The challenge to stay true to yourself. The challenge to discuss those deeper questions within your family unit to help your children see what “true to themselves” even looks like. What matters in your family? Why? How will they hold true to it, even when others don’t? What do your actions tell others about you? What do you want them to tell?
And, of course, there’s the personal challenge here. To be sure that you’re modelling these same things in your own interactions with technology. Because they’re watching, whether we like it or not!
Phew. We just touched on a pretty big topic. And if you’ve made it this far: thanks for sticking with me! This is important stuff, and it really is only the tip of the iceberg. But I’m sure you’ll agree that this is one key principle that you can lean on with your kids, regardless.
It’s one that can help to inform the role that technology will play in your family at different times.
It’s one that will help you grow kids who think more deeply about what they’re doing, even when the focus is entertainment.
It’s one that will set them up to be adults who think carefully about how they engage in a technological world.
And it’s as simple as talking and learning about what it means to stay true to who you are.
Which is exactly what we want for our kids, isn’t it!
We’d love to hear your thoughts. Is this something you already do? Has it helped? Let us know in the comments.
Stay awesome!
Kristy x
By the way: in Christchurch this September I’ll be talking more in-depth about the balancing act of technology at the faith-based retreat: Heart South. Join me there!
