4 questions to ask yourself when your child refuses

How do you respond?

Whether there’s one particular subject that seems to hit a sore spot, a certain activity that sets them off, a request for help in the kitchen that receives a scowl, or there’s simply refusal happening on all fronts (some days can be like that, right?), we’ve all experienced refusal.

And I’m sure you’ll agree: it doesn’t exactly feel good.

While we want our kids to have minds of their own, and we understand that sometimes we need to pick our battles, we also each feel a certain pressure to make sure we truly are providing our children with an education that is fully rounded, however we deem that to look.

Then on top of this, when we encounter refusal from our kids – in any form – it can be difficult not to take it personally, and react accordingly.

So what can you do?

Here are four thought-provoking questions to help frame your thinking as you consider how to respond:

#1

What is the purpose behind the task, activity or subject that they’re refusing to do? In other words, how much does it really matter in the scheme of things?

#2

Is it time sensitive? Or can you offer options so that your child has some autonomy over how and when they do it?

#3

What is their refusal really saying? As in: are they overwhelmed? Frustrated? Over stimulated? Or is this about needing to work on some character building. To develop a better work ethic in general, a sense of responsibility, learning to look out for others, or demonstrating respect?

#4

Is this becoming a pattern, or is it an isolated incident?

Whatever your answers are to these four questions, take the time to figure out what your child needs from you to feel seen, heard and understood.

Because the thing is? Their emotions are valid, even when they’re unreasonable!

They need to hear that you’re in their corner. Even if they don’t show how much that means to them, in the moment. And even if you both need some time to cool down, first.

Then what? Check out some practical tips to frame your peaceful approach next time this happens, here: 8 tips for when your child refuses.

Stay awesome!

Kristy x